Social media rules when dating

Whether we like it or not, social media like Facebook and Twitter is now an integral part of how to form and maintain relationships, so it is better to know the rules.

Over the past few years there has been incredibly high amount of people using social media to organize their social life and not only young people. 1 ?????? users are each social group; they are spread throughout the world, and are of every age — oldest Facebook user apparently is 101. Fastest growing demographic on the service, for at least the past two years, women over the age of 55.

Now an unusual find someone doesn't use Facebook or Twitter where it is bound to affect how we date; how do we get to know a person and the amount of information we reveal about ourselves in the early stages of a relationship. Given this radical change in how to configure and maintain relationships is important to know the rules so that it is an asset for life your dating rather than be a source of embarrassment.

Verify possible matches

Before meeting someone face to face, it is becoming common for games to ' Google ' each other first. This a simple matter of writing her name in Google and see what comes up. The Internet has a very long memory and anything that has been in the news, posted on Internet sites-including images-or comments on purchases from sites like Amazon and will reveal all. This can tell you a lot about a person, and is a useful tool when you're trying to prove that they are who they say they are.

Remember you can also be ' googled ' so it is important that you are aware of information online about you. To see only the type in your full name into Google search and press. If you discover any content you are not satisfied you can contact the site in question and see if you can remove it.

Remember:what is revealed on the Internet can be your first impression will get possible match so it is important to regularly check and be aware that online activity will stick for years-you have changed but you will get your history to know that if they are put off meeting with you what they see online.

Do some housework digital

Beyond what is revealed on Google search it's a good idea to trawl through pages of your social media and remove any photos or status updates or tweets would be uncomfortable with the match seeing. Instead, make sure that your security settings water tight if you want to be very special.  Try to view your pages through the eyes of a potential match-what is impression that you want to give?

Choose your friends carefully

It may be tempting to add someone to your friends list or your contacts before you even meet them-a useful social forum where you can get to know more about each other and chat online. Most people Facebook pages contain many personal information – pictures of loved ones; crash; workplace details – even phone number and your address if you've made them public to your friends. Obviously you do not want complete strangers to be able to access this information, so it is better to meet someone in person several times before adding them as a friend or a social network.

Keep real status updates

First and foremost, "not" change your relationship from ' one ' to ' in a relationship ' until you are sure that your date on the same page as you. Until then, ask them how they feel about you doing so perhaps – it is something you can do both on the same day – the first step towards a deeper commitment.   Whatever post online you need to ask yourself whether you are happy for an appointment to see it – will they get an impression of you?

Some people tweet, update status with every little thing that happens in their daily lives, and this is fine as long as you remember to avoid deportation when you're angry or upset or drunk – although it is very much a good rant better than talking to a friend of letting the whole world know your problems, especially if it is about your relationship.

Don't get addicted to your computer Internet forums are addictive and great contact surface but personally needed real work to build a relationship. Get some people so engrossed with their online they forget it's a tool used to stay connected not as a substitute for real relationships

Single women: it’s okay to look before you leap

Can’t believe I almost let Leap Day go by without making some mention of the only holiday that actively encourages women to proposition men. Oh wait, that’s propose to men. Gosh, I need to get those two straight one of these days. ; )

I actually wrote a column about this venerable holiday back in 2008 when I was doing the Single Shot column for the dearly-departed Seattle Post-Intelligencer.  The holiday (and the column) both came out on the heels of an infamous story in The Atlantic by Lori Gottlieb, entitled “Marry Him! The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.” Here’s how it starts:

Happy Leap Day, everyone, especially all you single women.

Whether you know it or not, Feb. 29 is your special holiday, the one day every four years when you’re “allowed” to propose to a man.

And, no, I’m not kidding.

The whole thing actually started as a joke, back in the fifth century. As legend has it, St. Bridget asked St. Patrick if there could be one day out of the year when women could legitimately propose to men and he chose Leap Day. From then on, it has become what you might call a backhanded holiday, proffering a bit of independence for women but mainly poking fun at their predilection for wedlock.

Leap Day postcards from the early 20th century are rife with images of nervous bachelors being pursued by wart-nosed old maids and portly matrons, each with a hungry bridal gleam in her eye. “Help, they’re after me!” shouts a man being chased by a desperate female with one grossly oversized hand. “Rope him now or never!” reads another featuring a lasso-wielding bride on horseback.

Although they’re pretty horrible, these musty old stereotypes are also kind of a hoot. Except when you stumble across one in a current publication, such as The Atlantic, which is where I read Lori Gottlieb’s retrolicious “Marry Him! The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.”

As you can imagine, reading Gottlieb’s arguments for marrying the overlooked “alcoholic who doesn’t always go to his meeting” just so you can have somebody in your bed (and bank account) every day and night didn’t sit too well with this happy singleton.

Would love to hear your thoughts on the matter if you’d care to share. If not, simply feel free to peruse this oldie but goodie (and yes, I’m talking about the column, not me) as you enjoy your extra day of fun and freedom. Take care and have a great Leap Day, people!

Should you buy your date’s kids presents?

Colleague and fellow relationship writer Theo Pauline Nestor contacted me a couple of weeks back, asking if I’d be willing to weigh in on the question of gift giving and the holidays. While there are always tons of stories out this time of year about what and when and if and how you should buy a gift for someone you’re just starting to date, Theo wanted to know what you do about your date’s kids.

Do you put on the old Santa suit and bribe the little darlings with the latest smart phone and Wii games? Or do you play dumb and pretend that your new main squeeze has no children (despite the cookie frosting and pieces of Pirate Booty in their hair).

Along with tapping me for advice, Theo turned to Rachel Sarah, author of Single Mom Seeking, Tina B. Tessina, psychotherapist and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again and others. Here’s how her story, which ran on Match.com’s online magazine Happen, starts.

As holiday shopping kicks into full gear, you might be wondering if “naughty or nice” should be the sole criterion for choosing the lucky ones that make up your gift list. Those actively dating single parents may be a bit perplexed about whether they should play Santa to their dates’ kids this holiday season. We’ve talked to dating experts, single parents and those who’ve dated single parents to get their insight on the subject, so read on and see how they’ve weighed in on this tricky question.

If you’re dating a single parent this holiday season, the first question to answer is whether it’s a good idea to buy any gift for this person’s child (or children) at all. Some experts and single parents think the answer to this question lies in the relationship you’ve already cultivated with your date’s child. “I think it all depends on whether you have any kind of relationship with the kids or not. Not every single parent is comfortable introducing a date to their kids — at least, not for awhile,” says Diane Mapes, author of How to Date in a Post-Dating World.

Click here to read the rest.  In the meantime, I’m curious as to who out there does buy gifts for their dates’ kids and if so, how long it took you to get to this point. For that matter, I’m curious about how long it took for your date to introduce you to their child. I’ve dated men who’ve told me they absolutely refuse to introduce a new woman to their little one for “a year or year and a half.” Other singles have told me about meeting the kid and the date at the exact same time.

So what’s been the norm with you? Or is it like everything else with regard to the dating world – there is no norm. As always, thanks for the read and happy dating (and happy holidays), people.

Are you Dieter spreadsheets?

Got an email the other day from some British magazine writer, asking me if I ever met anyone who might use Excel spreadsheet for dating. She will read one of the stories have been written about how to keep running your dates, I hope can I connect with Dieter spreadsheet.

I didn't think much of it until I got the Internet, I stumbled upon a myriad stories about axsilgati (sbridgati? datigati?), The most recent dating scandal to rock the online dating world.

Apparently, some poor sap again in New York (aka David Merkur, a 28-year-old with a bit of organization), erred in saying a woman was out with that keep all of his online dating in an Excel spreadsheet. And not just any table data — one that featured the names and email addresses, images, categories 0-10 for "appearance," comments on communications, and reviews for meet-ups, etc.

This in itself isn't exactly the most at the top. A bit wonky and anal, maybe, but not stupid. But after the request date de jour in Merkur if he would send her file (apparently, were both heavy Excel users), and he did.

When the paper began to hit the fan.

Date de jour instantly transmit detailed spreadsheet eerily a few friends, who sent it to their friends, so they ended up in its entirety on Jezebel, show ABC News today, "the Huffington Post", and who knows, maybe Portland sometime in the near future ("a spreadsheet on it!")

According to another, one of the many potential dates online Merkur's even consider legal action, against banking but against Miss trostoorthi, a woman posted a spreadsheet around, since they cause a lot of grief. Apparently, Miss trostoorthi redact any personal information such as real names, telephone numbers, email addresses, etc before she referred to, Oh, I don't know, her closest personal 6,000,000.

"I've got a lot of invitations from random people saying, ' Oh, you're 9.5 '," a woman said, "ABC News, referring to the high rating given to him by Merkur spreadsheet. "I think the guy is really nice," she goes on. "Never met him and I don't think he did a bad thing. Was ... In an attempt to keep himself and systems ... "For women that cheat sheet, though," why she would send it to the entire world? "Women need to know."It was a really dumb. My face is plastered everywhere now. I didn't find it. I was just thinking that you use Match.com. "

Needless to say, the brosbridshit movement dating now is gaining ground. In the New York Daily News "today, author" Kaplan "outed himself Porter and his obsessive dating habits, and admitted that he not only uses spreadsheet for dating, but" spreadsheets to track my finances, books I've read, the countries you've visited, where groups of friends dinner together. "

Not yet enough to use a spreadsheet — or pie chart or Venn diagram — but certainly I talked to highly organized types who either keep a spreadsheet or a special journal or Word document or some sort of cheat sheet to keep from getting firefighters and financiers mixed up (as if). If you are Dieter serious on the Internet (i.e., you're meeting new people at least three times a week), you have some sort of system even if skraol Sharpie on your Palm. Otherwise you can end forgetting names and professions or the fact that Grandma/sister/pet your date just died or celebrate the seventy-fifth birthday or are currently in dancing with the stars and eventually looking — and feeling — like a jerk.

Personally, I don't think it's especially creepy or DAUCHY to track information your dating — even subjective information "face nice wood" but "Gabi; one for me" (feedback from detailed notes Merkur 's). This is not a stranger to add excessive anal touches such as color coding, bold-faced type to indicate the prospects for especially hot.  The important thing is to make sure that your little black book — or spreadsheets a little black – remains safely tucked away on your hard drive, and your underpants drawer or your brain if you have confidence issues (which are now my guess many software engineers one men banking).

Unless, of course, goes viral with your love life part of your master plan for more dates. In this case, in my hat to you, "spreadsheet"! Way to work the system. ; )

Dating a younger man

The mailbox was humming today after a story I wrote a few years ago about dating younger men that have emerged on the Yahoo home page (widget originally appeared on the online game magazine, occurs).

In the story, I talk about the good, bad and ugly of Michael may/December Déby match-up. On the up side, dating someone young people helps keep young people (and Yes, usually big sex), though on the downside, can sometimes younger men Tres immature (Betty one GAL used to call her at 3 a.m., asking her over pizza).

However, my readers, a few additional ideas (mostly very positive) about life in some what like "Cougar town." Check 'em out:

I met my wife now 13 years ago when I was 20 and 43 and we started seeing more and more of each other (dating, I guess) when he was 24 after we found a lot of common interests. Even with a man, I knew early I didn't want children, but go through a mental struggle before I realised that I'm very selfish ... It was more interesting points in the article woman didn't want a man who was trapped in adolescence, so to speak. So I peak my 40s (69, still love in my life), I'm still that kid at heart, decision-making in favour of 20 years of age. My wife always telling me to grow up, but keep reminding them I am going to be 12 forever, so they'll have to grin and bear it. Just thought I would let you know how it does the relationship an older man/younger woman so well now in the next decade. -Michael

* * *

This is a story I wrote about me, but changed the ending. Never was looking for younger men, but if someone didn't interest me, I don't really care about their age. When I started seeing Brian, he was 30 and 42. We started seeing each other in March and were married before June. And had moved to the small town where he grew up, where he knew everyone, and I think that his family and most of his friends thought it wouldn't work. In addition to the age difference 30/42, has a daughter 5 years old son was 18 years old. Additionally, it is Catholic and I'm Jewish. There are many things that could have gone wrong, but we will have our 22nd anniversary in June ... I don't know how we got to 22 [years], but I don't think our differences will be pulling us apart. Keep up your good work.  -Norma

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I have a few friends who married older women, and was with them for over 20 years. There is one thing you did not mention about their future together: their health. I have a friend who is now 60 and has been married to his wife, who is 80, for more than 20 years. It's still very vital and it can barely get around. It feels like is married to his grandmother. -Bruce

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I have been dating a woman 17 years my oldest for over 5 years now. I am 41. We met online, she didn't believe I was in my 30s until we met already. All I can say is dating older woman is amazing! First, because you're curious, amazing sex.  Can I keep it barely ... Secondly, there is no worry about the ticking biological clock, and Downer when dating a woman in her 30s. Thirdly, she knows everything about themselves, as they have eased and not worried about what her friends might say. Hell, her friends are jealous. -Steve

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So, what's the scoop with you, dear readers?  Have you ever dated someone much younger than you? Does it work? Not working? Cause you to question your sanity? Cause you to pull a groin muscle? Enquiring minds, as always, want to know.

My Q&A on dating with breast cancer

While I’ve been trying to keep most of my breast cancer stuff out, I was recently asked to do a Q&A for a website “where patients and caregivers get personalized, helpful, and accurate answers from experts, survivors, and partner organizations.” Since some of the questions they tossed my way had to do with dating and breast cancer — and living with breast cancer as a single woman — I thought it might be appropriate to post about it here. 

For those who might be curious, I’m all done with treatment now and am spending the next few months writing, recuperating and researching the next phase of my exciting cancer adventure: reconstruction. I’m also trying to figure out what to do with my new hair (it’s growing in much darker and curlier than it was before). And — who knew? — starting to realize there’s a whole segment of men who like really, really short hair. ; )

As always, thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read my thoughts on the single life and that crazy thing we all call dating.

How did you get started dating after breast cancer? What was the most difficult aspect?

Oddly enough, I never really stopped dating through my whole breast cancer ordeal. I had just started seeing someone when I was diagnosed and that relationship (which was rather tenuous anyway) bowed and finally broke under the pressure of the cancer and a host of other things. After that, I went out with a couple of other guys (and even reconnected with my ex for a bit) but most of my time and energy was spent on doctors’ appointments and tests and of course freaking out about my upcoming double mastectomy. I thought losing my breasts would mean the end of my dating life, my sex life, etc. But as it turned out, I recovered from surgery much faster than I expected (both emotionally and physically) and ended up going out on a date just two weeks after losing my girls. To read more, click here.

What advice would you give to other survivors about dating after cancer?
Dating after cancer isn’t really all that scary. Seriously, after being pumped full of poison and having our bodies blasted with radiation, I think most of us can fake our way through an hour or two of coffee and conversation with a potential love interest. Sex after cancer, on the other hand, can be a bit daunting. Especially if you’re missing some essential body parts. And all of your hair. And the feeling in what used to be your chest.

What worked for me was to try to “rebuild” myself (paging the bionic woman!), to put myself back together using a wig and fake boobs and makeup. That helped me feel like myself so I felt more confident going out there meeting and interacting with men. But everybody’s different so trying to “pass” may not work for everybody. And dating so quickly after treatment (or even amid treatment) may not work for people, either. I was lucky in that I only had four infusions of chemo and I seemed to endure it pretty well (as long as I took my meds, anyway). Same goes for radiation. To read more, click here.

As a single woman, where did you get the support you needed while going through cancer treatment?
I’ve been single for most of my adult life and have even developed a bit of a writing platform regarding the single life with a book (How to Date in a Post-Dating World), an anthology of essays (Single State of the Union) and a humor column (Single Shot), published by the now-defunct Seattle P-I.

For me, singledom is a natural state. Instead of being cloistered away as one half of a couple, I have a huge circle of friends — people I’ve worked with, people I’ve gone to school with, fellow writers, gal pals, neighborhood buddies, drinking buddies, old boyfriends, sources that turned into friends, the list goes on and on. I also have four sisters, all of whom I’m close with. I had so many people I needed to tell about the breast cancer, in fact, I eventually started an email newsletter (the Cancertown Gazette). And then a blog (http://doublewhammied.com/).

My sisters probably did most of the heavy lifting when it came to day-to-day support during my breast cancer treatment. They were there for me before and after surgery, even helping me with drain duty (and an apartment makeover). They also went to some of the early doctors’ appointments, when things were still very dark and raw and scary, talked with me daily via phone, sat through a couple of sessions of chemo (and chemo recovery) with me and prepared a ton of meals for my freezer. My friends were equally supportive, doing everything from bringing me food (pie! lasagna! homemade soup!) to giving me lifts to radiation to sending flowers and other gifts to taking me on weekend getaways. Friends and family both chipped in financially to help me pay for a wig made from my own hair (and those are not cheap). They also stayed in contact with me regularly, took me for walks when the chemo knocked the legs out from under me, and in general, made me feel loved and appreciated and cared for at all times. To read more, click here.

Machine domsdating

Maybe it's just me, but there's nothing I like more than a niche dating site, especially one that meets a mysterious chip from singles.

In the past, I've written about green dating sites like GreenSingles.com, which serves the crowd-friendly environment, and DarwinDating.com, devoted exclusively to the most beautiful people in the world. (Just checked the link to this one, and it no longer works — much to their motto "only the hottest survive.")

We've covered dating sites designed for older singles, dating sites for single parents dating site built just for boklovers and men.

Thanks to a recent CNN.com story, though, I may have stumbled upon the strangest place so far: the struggling singles sites. Check it out.

For people who spend every day in disaster preparedness – whether it is the end of the world 2012, economic collapse, collapse, hurricane or tsunami – it can be hard to find a compatible partner.

Canning venison, shooting firearms, living off the grid and create compost from human waste just isn't traditional interests many people look for when browsing from mainstream dating sites such as Match.com or aharmoni.

That's why the site is called "survivalist singles" has entered the dating scene online, specifically catering to this niche community of bribers, "activists" and "domsdayirs."

As it turns out, SurvivalistSingles.com (which has a cheery slogan "not face the future alone") is not the only site to those waiting with breath bitd (not to mention bunkers packed spam) to the end of the world as we know it. It also meets the requirements of PrepperDating.com and Kwink.com to "doomsday bribers" and "domsdayirs."

According to the CNN story, the average age in SurvivalistSingles.com more than 50 and men outnumber women two to one (shocking, I know).  Although the site is currently free, a woman who runs a thinking $ 5 membership fee per month in the coming days (there should be any number of days ahead).

So she has chosen the slogan: "finding love for less than the price of a box of bullets". (You have to admit it is catchy. I mean, how often do you find words of love and a bullet in the same sentence? outside the local crime headlines, that is.)

Now I know that things can get a little scary out there sometimes, especially in an election year. Not to mention the years where is survival-dystopian Festival such as "hunger games" biggest box office draw since, I don't know, "Apocalypse Now."

But no matter how bad things are (or how to get to the looming deadline of the Mayan calendar), I know I'm not ready to go to the hills with machine gun-toting domsdating, slaughtered deer, eating bean. In fact, as far as I am concerned, that would be the end of the world.

What say you? What is the strangest place you site – find a mate? We would love to hear your thoughts, folks. As you know, while there is still time. ; )